Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Digital Footprint

As the new year approaches and folk start reflecting back on their 2014 and start with the "new year. new me" crap, I actually only have one resolution...  

"Be More Aware of my Digital Footprint" 

I cannot emphasize this enough kids, take care of your digital footprint! Have you ever Google'd yourself and see what comes up? Web links, images, videos, disturbing news, etc. With myself and numerous mates being on the job market due to retrenchment, we obviously started Googling and searching each other to see which incriminating data and images comes up. My God were we shocked! Let me tell you right now that I am so overjoyed at the fact that technology was not around for my teenage and adolescent years. Within just a few years of becoming a techno slave, I have a digital footprint so nasty and clear that even Ray Charles can see what I've been up to. My mates weren't any better as one of them has "Hitler'd a b*tch" and the other was literally trash talking the same company where he is now applying for a job.

Take care of your digital footprint people and be careful with what you put on the net and what you say. Once its out there, its out there and you stand a better chance of curing Ebola than erasing digital you. To the new age parents out there, please don't publicize your kids life on the internet. That young thunderkatt or thunderkitten will probably be forever bullied with all the incriminating naked pics of him or her online. Give the lil kid a chance in the digital world at least. Yes, I know you want everyone to see how cute your prince/princess is but that same everyone includes pedophiles that is now probably beating themselves off to pictures of your little one in the bath. Rather change the privacy settings so that only your family or close friends can see those pictures. 

I for one would NOT hire myself or any of my mates after entering a search in Google or any other search engine. With that being said, I'm off trying to clear my digital footprint and re-brand myself. 

My gift to you this Xmas.... Go Google yourself.

Isaacs IN....

Thursday, 11 December 2014

Some things are better left unsaid....

My slogan for all health issues has always been "some things are better left unsaid". That was until about a week ago (NO! Stop! It's not time to do the Shmurda dance to Bobby Shmurda's Hot N*gga). I know, its difficult to NOT break out into Hot N*gga after saying "about a week ago" even if it is by coincidence. As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by myself due to Bobby Shmurda, some things are better left unsaid. That is the great health advise given by Dr. Ross Morris himself. With everything going around, World Aids day being celebrated and getting older, I could no longer take Dr. Morris advise and tested myself for everything. All the tests itself is not the scary part, its those 10 days that you sit and wait for results. That wait is the excruciating part. 

I literally sat and thought of all the possible ways you can contract some shit. All the possibilities of that lingering pain in your knee. Random chest pain, why my toe nail is falling off, why my ankle hurts? That throbbing pain and little 'ball' at the back of my head. Random blood here and there. Can you get Ebola when your dick touches the inside of the toilet bowl when you sit and piss? Or maybe prostate cancer from slapping my balls on my passed out friends face during Hermanus weekend away trips? So many scenarios played out in my head that it was actually difficult to sleep during those tedious 10 days.

When the results finally came in, I was as happy as a white man in Europe(yeah I said it). After years of abusing and battering my body with unhealthy ingredients and booze, not a single damn thing is wrong with me(no checks were performed on my brain or mental capacity) and I have a clean bill of health. That being said, Life is short and nobody gets out alive so enjoy and make the most of every second you got. 

I'm definitely living more cautious and taking care of myself now but living healthy don't guarantee shit! Living healthy doesn't stop that 'ol fucker Cancer from knocking on your door or getting knocked over by a bus or attacked and beaten to death by SD supporters or Neo-Nazi fuckers. You can live healthy all you damn want and still slip and fall in the shower while rubbing one out. That will not only be very sad but also funny for the paramedics and coroners performing the autopsy on your healthy living dumb ass.

Isaacs IN 

ps. Don't forget to hook a brother up! 

Friday, 5 December 2014

End of an Era

After 8 years of services rendered and loyalty, we have been thanked with a GFY and work out your notice period. Being made redundant is actually not all that bad. Myself and all the 50+ "redundees" can now focus on our CV's and look forward to a fresh start. The initial shock, hatred, anger and depression only lasted a few hours and was quickly calmed and soothed by the thought of the leftovers. This brought much needed joy and laughter.

It's a real pity we have to work the 4 month notice period even after being told we no longer needed. Could have focused on Game 2 of our STO vs VIE basketball series. During Wiener Wiesn Fest 2014, LaFaille, Maggz and myself jetted off to Vienna to join the festivities and also hand out a whoppin' to the VIE katts on their own court. 

Wiener Wiesn 2014
After a brief team huddle and game plan strategy, we took on the VIE katts and within minutes were up 12-4 and 25-10 at the break. The VIE katts looked deflated and without their star man Roos Dookin, they looked directionless like Ray Charles behind the wheel of a F1 car. Apparently Roos Dookin was in Berlin that weekend but later sources revealed that he was actually hiding away in his apartment out of fear for that ass whoopin' in his own back yard. What followed in the 3rd quarter I cant recall due to CoachAwesome's overwhelming musky body odor. I was tasked with guarding him and choosing to play without a top on definitely worked to his advantage during the 3rd quarter. With me being dosed and light headed due to CoachAwesome's pungent odor, he was free to score a few easy buckets. This in turn gave SimonSez rejuvenated spirit and with one sip of his water bottle (which I'm now convinced was filled with muti), he played like a man possessed. He must of dug deep into his Ancestral history because he started handing out ass whoopins like it was the 1800's. With SimonSez on full Westbrook mode, the game was tied at 50 and despite LaFaille's best efforts, we lost out 52-54 at the buzzer. 

After freshening up and picking up our bruised ego from the court, we headed off to Wiener Wiesn (Vienna's Oktoberfest) to partake in the festivities. As I was still light headed from the basketball game, not much can be remembered from the Wiesn.
they serve non-alcoholic as well

Fun was had by all and it is definitely something to do and a must experience when you are in Vienna that time of year. Game 2 is apparently taking place in the STO and the date is yet to be confirmed. Should our employment situation change then maybe we can fly back to VIE instead. For now, we just basking in the ambiance of our new found freedom and working on our resume. 

Hook a brother up! 

Isaacs IN!

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Thank You Brazil

Just over a month ago we were all still so captivated by Brazil and the mouth watering clash between the hosts and Germany that was set to take place. Now 30 days later nobody gives a flying rats ass about Brazil or the struggle people were protesting about. Hell, we all being fed the Russia-US-Ukraine BS and a dash of Palestine with some Syria sprinkled here and there. Just like Willy Wonker, the damn media knows just how to 'boef' us and keep us distracted. Sugar coating all kinds of shit but I digress, Thank You Brazil, Obrigado! 

You accepted myself and Mzansi friends that has never traveled and embraced us with your culture, enthusiasm, passion and Portuguese. Even though you threw a few surprises and curve balls our way, you were marvelous nonetheless. Obrigado. 

After 20 hours of travel and 3k for a transit visa that was never even checked once, SnowFlake and I arrived in Sao Paulo. We still needed to catch another flight to Florianopolis with 6 hours to kill. After devouring some delicious yet strange Brazilian delicacy(it's actually called coxinha and its amazing), SnowFlake did what she does best. That left me with my all time favorite hobby and pastime: People Watching. 

BR 2014 Crew on the Copacabana
Taking the people watching game global was always a dream but like I mentioned before, there is a fine line between people watching and being a damn stalker. From my astute observation just sitting in Sao Paulo Guarulhos Airport, a mere glimpse of Brazil but accurate with the stigma and stereotype nonetheless. There was an abundance of booty and breasts among the women and the men are rapey looking as fuck! Blondes are scarce hence them drooling and staring at SnowFlake as if she were a unicorn. 

When we arrived in Florianopolis, I just wanted a warm shower and nice long session of dropping the kids at the pool. To my dismay and horror, I found out that in South America, you cannot dispose your shitty paper in the toilet. You have to discard it in some brown paper/plastic bag next to you. Failing to do this will lead to you clogging up the entire regions pipes. Needless to say the whole damn village will be well pissed at you. 

My Brazilian Doppelganger
After a marvelous week spent in Florianopolis and meeting some great peeps, we arrived in soaking wet, overcast Rio. Despite the initial weather, the scenery and energy was breathtaking and amazing. The women are as stunning and voluptuous as the reputation they have. The men are all tanned and half naked so SnowFlake was having a feast with eye candy(I only found this out when we got home, what an idiot). The cuisine is divine and hospitality impeccable. I can go on and on and on about how amazing Brazil is but at the end of the day, you need to experience it for yourself. Don't believe all the bad press you read in your BBC's and your CNN's. Get out there, experience it and when you return, maybe you will also suffer from #ADIDAB as Poena and LayRoo call it.

Maracana Stadium before kick off
With Rio 2016 set to take off and be one bad ass Olympic event, you can rest assure that myself and the BR 2014 Crew will be back there, come hell or high water. 

Once again, thank you Brazil.

Isaacs IN.... 

*ADIDAB means All Day I Dream About Brazil. Poena coined that phrase on his return to Mzansi.

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Know Your Party

As many of my fellow Mzansi countrymen/women journeyed to the polls today to cast their vote, I cant help but think just how many don't actually know what they voting for. I was astonished and a bit flabbergasted after taking a "Know Your Party" survey on the News24 web site to find out that my views was a damn not aligned with that of my supporting party. Do not get me wrong, it wasn't exactly life changing or altering my perception of life as the Sunday walk of shame and Swedish summer does. But it did get me thinking about my peoples back home. How many of us actually read our supporting parties manifesto? Do you know the oppositions manifesto? I mean lets be honest, it doesn't make a difference anyway, the ANC will continue to rule for the next 15-20 years. The ANC should not win this election, but they will.

I hope the survey stays on the News24 website well after the elections so that we can actually go back and reflect. Anyway, I am done with my rant now. I also promise never to bring up religion nor politics as this is not that kinda blog.

Stay tuned for more exciting news. Brazil is only 27 days away, I've got the alcohol(and essentially Colin) under control and I'm planning on taking the stage soon...


Friday, 11 April 2014

Nothing Was The Same

Recently I went back to the motherland to attend the wedding of my homie StreetKat. This trip, albeit expensive and costly, could not have come at a better time. When you wake up every morning and tell yourself "I swear to God if this marfarker fuck with me today, it's on!", then you know things are bad and you need a break. What better place to relax and unwind than the Motherland! It was time for yet another trip to the Mother City, my beloved CPT. Unfortunately the lovely SnowFlake couldn't make it due to work commitments but she made the trip viable in every possible way. 

Needless to say I was excited like a blind man in a titty bar once I boarded the flight because I knew I would get out of the EU for a while and regain my sanity in Mzansi with my family and friends. Just thinking of the laughter, dancing, story telling, late nights, eating, drinking, singing, sharing and fun that was awaiting me had me glowing like a rave stick at a MDMA festival. 

Straight off the flight I was embraced by my family and whisked away to homemade Sunday lunch like only Moms can do. After freshening up and sharing some stories, laughter and jokes with the fam, I tried to get in contact with the Lads.... Nothing! I didn't pay it no mind because they probably were still hungover from StreetKat's STAG weekend. Eventually I got hold of RPC and we checked up on StreetKat and spent the night catching up on what went down since I've been gone. It was a slight concern as I only saw RPC, StreetKat and Paulie for the entire week and was starting to wonder where the hell the rest of the guys were. Did someone contract a disease? Is Ebola back? What the fuck was going on? 

Sure enough Meister hooked up during the week and made several appearances. He is always pretty much a sure thing and always rocks up like Mayweather on fight night. With the wedding day a few hours away it dawned upon me, nothing was the same anymore. Everybody has kids now. Girlfriends and gym schedules dictate what and where things need to be done. Somehow all my friends had their balls surgically removed simultaneously and placed on a glass display for all others too see. Below the glass display reads a sign that says "Take heed, your days are numbered". This realization shot immediate dejection through my soul and struck deep like a young man getting his anal cherry popped in Pollsmoor prison. 

Finally it was the big day! With StreetKat being the first to take this leap into the unknown, everyone was nervous. I was shaking like a crack junkie in his third rehab week and it wasn't even my day. So I can only but imagine how daunting this must have been for StreetKat and his beautiful bride. Thanks to Black Baby Jesus, everything went smoothly and the day was amazing, emotional, beautiful and perfect. With all the formalities and speeches done, I finally saw my mates for the first time since arriving and we hit the dance floor and bar area harder than Pete Rose in his prime! We laughed, danced, told stories, ate, drank and sang until late in the night. It was like nothing changed and with a blink of an eye we just picked up where we left off. Yes, things has changed but one thing is for sure, when we get together, there will be laughter, dancing, story telling, late nights, eating, drinking, singing, sharing and kak praat. Have you ever danced so much that you had calluses so bad causing you to wear flip-flops for a week? I'm just saying...

Isaacs IN

Friday, 21 March 2014

Ultimate Man Tips I just couldn't resist posting

Man its been a minute, and when I say a minute I mean a loooooong while. 8 months, phew, a lot has transpired since then I must admit. So much to share but first I have to share these man tips my boy Elmer sent me. 

44 Ultimate Tips For Men 

1. Go for women you perceive to be "out of your league." You'll surprise yourself.  

2. Never have sex with anyone that doesn't want it as much as you. 

3. Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat. 

4. Every hat should serve a purpose. 

5. Never take her to the movies on the first date. 

6. Learn to wet shave. 

7. Nothing looks more bad ass than a well-tailored suit. 

8. Shave with the grain on the first go-around.

9. Always look a person in the eye when talking to them. 

10. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger. 

11. Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift and play sport. 

12. Brush your teeth before you put on your tie. 

13. A small amount of your salary/wages should go to your savings account every month. 

14. Call your parents every week. Texting shouldn't become a custom. 

15. Never wear a clip-on tie. 

16. Give a firm handshake. 

17. Compliment her shoes. 

18. Never leave a pint unfinished. 

19. If you aren't confident, fake it. It will come. 

20. Be conscious of your body language. 

21. The only reason to ever point a gun at someone is if you intend to shoot them. 

22. Always stand to shake someone's hand. 

23. Never lend anything you cant afford to lose. 

24. Ask more than you answer. Everybody likes to talk about themselves. 

25. Keep a change of clothes at the office. 

26. Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them once. 

27. Manliness is not being able to take care of yourself, but taking care of others as well.

28. Go for the decision that will make for a good story. 

29. When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet. 

30. Nice guys don't finish last. Boring guys do. 

31. Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it.  

32. Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head. 

33. No matter their job or status in life, everyone deserves your respect. 

34. The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen, its your duty to overcome them. 

35. The first one to get angry loses. 

36. Do what needs to be done without complaining. Complaining wont help speed things up. 

37. Never stop learning. 

38. Always go out in public dressed like you about to meet the love of your life. 

39. Luck favors the prepared. 

40. Don't change yourself to make someone happy, unless that someone is you. 

41. If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. 

42. Women find confidence sexy as hell. 

43. Do whatever you want to do in life, but be the best at it. 

44. No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work. Enjoy your life!