Sunday, 30 September 2012

Alcohol is not for everyone...

As my great friend Reesie would say, "drank is nie iets wat jy op jou edgars kaart moet koop nie" She basically implies that alcohol is not something everyone should have access too. This is a well known phenomenon yet not something most people abide too. We tend to over indulge and drink ourselves to a paraplegic stooper. Why do we do this you ask? Well I can't speak for the rest of society but I partake in this habit because I am a) unselfish b) contributing to economic growth and job creation. You see my fellow thunderkatts, when I crack that beer or pop that bottle, I don't think about my liver or kidneys. Oh no, I think about all those employees in the liquor industry that depends on me to secure their job and future. They need me to put their kids through school, pay their bond, cover bills and put food on that newly bought IKEA dinner table. So I unselfishly sacrifice my liver and kidneys to ensure the well being of others unknown to me.  
ScienceGirl made sure Botham finishes his shots
With that said, it was 'Botham' last weekend in Stockholm. Being the prolific and flamboyant individual that he is, he was scooped up for a permanent move to the London office. This obviously meant The Crew needed one last debauchery filled evening. In true 'Botham' fashion, he suggested we head to the new Scandic Grand Central for drinks and 'whatever happens' next. I arrived there shortly after 17h00 with the entire Crew already getting their sippy sippy on. The place was packed with beautiful people of all genres, age and ethnicity. It was a perfect set up. The order of the day was obviously to get 'Botham' as motherless drunk as possible. By 20h00 we had run through copious amounts of gin, vodka, beer, rum and the drinks just kept coming. By 21h00 I was steaming and started to get worried because 'ScienceGirl' was on her way and I was beyond hammered already. I contemplated buying some water but LukeyFiasco and Just-ICE smacked sense in to me and I realized that is against The Crew code.  

When 'ScienceGirl' arrived, I was Colin-Drunk and my inner voice had to be the responsible person. I focused and concentrated so hard on being sober and getting other people on my level of inebriation that I completely missed the fact that she was also well on a level of intoxication. The night just got better and better and even 'BigSexy' 'LeGrange' and 'Scandalous' rocked up. At this point you really don't want to know how many vodka+pineapple and gin+ginger ale we had gone through already. 'LaFaille' kept them coming, 'Just-ICE' racked up shots of sambuca and tequila and 'Take-It-To-The-Base' made sure the beers were flowing like an endless stream. We all were royally fucked yet everyone kept their pose and this was our greatest demise. 

Eventually after 03h00 somebody came up with a brilliant idea of heading to another club. I then used this to conjure up an escape plan for 'Botham' who was not only motherless drunk but couldn't even spell his own name, let alone think straight. 'ScienceGirl' hinted that we hit the club too but she would be fine to go home as well. I made an executive decision and chose the latter. With The Crew still debating on which club to overthrow, I snuck 'Botham' and his lady companion away into a cab. Myself and 'ScienceGirl' then took abuse from The Crew for allowing 'Botham' to get away.
With their focus on clubbing, we decided to pull a Houdini ourselves and slipped into a cab. The moment we hit the seats, 'ScienceGirl' was out like a candle. I'm still not sure who was more inebriated but I think I won as I was at least able to speak. She could hardly mumble her address to the cab driver which had me in tears of laughter much to her frustration. I now know what it must be like when people have to look after me when I get Colin-Drunk. Thank you 'Sciencegirl' as that was a world first for me. As I am typing this on board a flight to Vienna, I still haven't heard from half of The Crew. 'Botham' is alive though, that much I know and can confirm. 

Colin out....

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