Monday, 17 September 2012

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause....

So with majority of The Crew either in Riga or London this weekend, I was gearing up for a relaxed weekend. Not really sure what to expect and where I would end up, I was still very optimistic as these are usually the best weekends. Myself, VinnyChase, KingKenny, Huber and Just-ICE hit some local bar in the city centre after work. As we entered said bar, I was pretty sure we had the address wrong and this was actually a morgue or a church. I was even more confused because firstly people hardly die in this city nor do they believe in God so why would there be a church or morgue in the city centre. The decor was very chic and retro and all 3 floors are spacious over looking the water and European style buildings. I know you thinking "damn that sounds great" and it probably is. The problem was, we were the only katts there! The barman walks out from the back probably woken up by our noise and scuffling and he literally looks like he has one foot in the grave. This has to be the oldest barman in history as I'm sure I saw him in some John Wayne movie and he was already old back then. We decided to stay here and get shit faced anyway, whats the worst that can happen right?

I am still not sure whether we were drinking stronger beer or was it the "time-space continuum" that always affects men when they in pubs/bars/clubs. For those katts that's not sure what the "time-space continuum" is, lemme break it down for you. Basically this is a mathematical model that combines space and time into a single construct. This spacetime is usually explained with a model where space is three-dimensional and time has the role of a fourth dimension. Long story short; You are in the pub drinking and getting hammered and according to you, time is standing still. When in reality and on the outside of that specific pub/bar/club, the world is actually progressing at a rapid pace. This usually explains why men are always in trouble with their ladies because when we enter the "time-space continuum" our watches and mobiles literally freezes and time stands still.

This was surely the case because by the time Just-ICE went to get our round of umpteenth drinks. We were surrounded by people and it appeared that it was somehow strangely dark outside. The old barman was now replaced by young, fresh, vibrant and good looking bar ladies. Everyone around us was dressed to impress and looked like they literally walked off the cover of a style magazine. I had no idea what was going! One of the staff members came over to VinnyChase and KingKenny and spoke to them in Swedish. From what I understood, we were being asked to move upstairs to the club section as this bar was now closing. During this same transition period, I received a text message from ScienceGirl inviting me over to her place as she was hosting a 'beer-and-taco' evening. "Be there in 10 minutes with The Crew" was my response.

It surely must of been the longest ten minutes of my life because by the time I got there, it was Saturday morning and once again I woke up not knowing where the hell I was or how I got there. I cant tell you much about the clubbing experience other than it was filled with young good looking students in search of a great time. KingKenny had to fill me in on the gaps when I saw him on Saturday. Needless to say he was still shitfaced and had no intention of joining me and Just-ICE for Huber's birthday party. I kept things reserved on Saturday night but Just-ICE had other ideas and kept feeding me booze. 'Take-It-To-The-Base' had also joined with his two younger brothers and the shots and booze kept on flowing like the Nile river. They uttered the words 'Sommar' and my face lit up but I knew I was shit faced and needed rest. I conjured the courage to plan the ultimate escape move and slipped them on route to Sommar using ScienceGirl as my shield. I still haven't heard from Just-ICE nor 'Take-It-To-The-Base' but I cant really blame them.

Oh and rest of The Crew is back from Riga and London. They had a marvelous time yet no stories can be disclosed due to the Privacy Act of 2010.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Colin out....


  1. The explanation of the Time-Space Continuum is classic. If only the broads would understand this.. Nice piece looking forward to the next

  2. Thanks homie, I think your fellow hombre Dryden explained that theory to me once at Quay Four many years ago but I was too drunk to remember the exact wording LOL...