Friday, 6 January 2017

Parental Leave

So the first week of pappaledig has come and gone. Both myself and Mini-me is still alive and healthy so that is a good sign. I can say that pappaledig is not as easy as you may think. You need to be mentally and emotionally in tune with both your star player and your spirit animal! Don't be fooled by all the paternity leave books out there. No 2 kids are alike! As I have now become accustomed to my new aroma of baby poop, pee and drool, I began to wonder, how do those mall mommies manage to look so good? Their hair is done, nails done, clothes is clean, heels on and make up on point. Yet I look like death twice over, it surely is a mystery to me. 

Thus far our routine has been Mini-me waking up at about 07h30ish and me only really waking up at 08h00. At this point Mini-me has already gone from 0 to 100 real quick so water and porridge needs to be served ASAP or else tantrums will be thrown. Once we've finished our food fight in the kitchen leaving the area looking like absolute crap, we make our way to the play room for fun, laughter and just general mischievous shit she cant get away with when her mom is around. Most of which usually entails Mini-me tearing shit up, biting me or trying to stuff her toys into my ears, nose or mouth. 
According to the baby book, I am suppose to let her take a mid morning nap but trying to get Mini-me to sleep is like trying to get the KKK to accept black membership. 

After much tears being shed and tantrums thrown(mainly by me), she eventually dozes off in my arms. Whether she does this out of pity for me or not, its a welcoming snooze nonetheless. At this point I figure 'fuck yeah, now I can do something constructive' But sanity prevails and while Mini-me is fast asleep, I rather start prepping her mellanmål(mid day snack) and lunch. After that is done, I think I can sneak in a shower to wash my ailing and rancid crack but to no avail. The devil has arisen and stands up straight in her cot like Dracula awakening from his long nap, thirsty!!! 

There will be no crack washing today, or at least not until reinforcements arrive to relieve me from my Daddy Daycare duties. After my first week of doing this, all I can say is: Salute! Salute to all the moms out there doing their thing and still maintaining their sanity. Salute to all the dirty dads out there. I see you covered in all types of body excrement. And if you a single parent and doing this... pass that woman/man a bells! You deserve it! 

Barry IN (in his purse moeg as well but oh so worth it).


3 comments:

  1. Funny. Thanks for the heads up bruh!

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  2. All good my man! I would say "dont do it, pull out" but nobody listens to me anyway HaHaHa

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