Saturday, 24 November 2012

My imaginary friend comes to life

The last 72 hours has been insane! You know how I always made reference to my "inner voice" in previous posts? Well have you ever wondered what that inner being looks like? Is he a much more cooler individual than me? Does he sport the Jimi Hendrix hairdo and ooze with the luscious and frivolous sex panther? I wish I could answer all those questions but seeing that I am drugged up and about to go under the knife, let me give you a timeline breakdown of how my inner voice came to life: 

72 Hours ago: I woke up with a slight bump on my sternum and being the ever macho individual that I am, I just brushed it aside as a small zit. 

68 Hours ago: In just a few hours, the 'small zit' has now evolved into a giant red bump. The type of bump you get on your forehead when your grandma beat you with a hammer for jumping on her couch. Still, I am not worried for I am a man! 

58 Hours ago: Somehow this bump continues to grow and despite me waging war on it with disinfectant, anti bacteria and antibiotics, it grows bigger, stronger, faster and angrier! 

40 Hours ago: The bump has now transformed and somehow evolved into an alien within me. I literally look like I have an erection on my chest. It has its own pulse, heartbeat and is growing hair too. I fear for my life because soon this 'thing' will grow legs and arms and take over the world if I don't do something.

20 Hours ago: I am in tremendous pain. 'Thing' has now morphed and changed color. He is growing at such a rapid pace that myself, Gruff Daddy, Jaxx and HannaMontana can literally see it growing by the second. 

19 Hours ago: I contact the brilliant health care system provided by the Swedish government. I explain the urgency of this 'thing' evolving inside of me. They don't see the urgency nor feel my pain and brush it aside. 

16 Hours ago: I have to endure another night of anguish and suffering as I am only allowed to go to the hospital tomorrow.

14 Hours ago: Being the super smart girl she is, 'ScienceGirl' has a plan on how to relieve some of the pain. She tries her magic; it works! I am temporarily relieved but also high on meds. Thank you 'ScienceGirl' your the best. 

6 Hours ago: The 'alien' is now furious! He is fighting back and oozing with yellow venomous juice trying to combat 'ScienceGirl' meds and my traditional African magic and healing methods. 

1 Hour ago: Despite the agony, I dragged myself and 'Bob'(yes, he now has a name, personal number and citizenship) to the hospital. 

Now: The nurse takes the phone from my hand. She mumbles in broken English "doctor said no phone in surgery room" as the ushers continue to push my bed to the bright light. Bye 'Bob' you will not be missed! 

Colin passed out.....

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