Sunday, 18 November 2012

Dreams and Nightmares

Either the Drinking Gods are angry with me for what they deem as a series of offenses their favorite son has committed or I am some super hero that's suppose to do something miraculous. Whatever the reason might be, I find it very annoying because recently I started having a collection of dreams and nightmares. Now allow me to explain why this annoys me. You see for years I was a firm believer that I am the one individual that does not dream. I merely close my eyes, enter darkness and wake up in the light when the time is right. This theory was further supported by my copious alcohol intake which made me immune to dreams and nightmares as I hardly passed through the required rapid eye movement phases in order to remember shit! With a recent spate of roller coaster events within the last 2 weeks, alcohol was the last thing on my mind. This probably explains why systembolaget had a massive drop in share prices. It is also the reason why I removed my previous post "Winter is coming: Weekly tip on how to get laid" as the timing was not right. But fear not, those weekly tips will follow soon as many of you were quite confused as to why the post was removed.  

I am not a superstitious individual nor do I believe in hocus pocus but this recent spate of illusions are concerning. I would rather much have nightmares involving circus folk trying to anally probe me than being violently executed. Maybe its the dark Swedish winter affecting me? Maybe my body is just not used to falling asleep sober? Whatever it may be, I am not happy with this and it needs to stop. 

Someone recommended that I see a 'dream specialist' to have my nightmares interpreted to which I burst out with laughter. The only reason why I laughed because it was the only reaction that would prevent me from punching said individual in the face. Go ahead, try it. You cannot punch or slap someone while laughing vigorously. Have my nightmares interpreted pppfftt! You must've lost your God damn mind yes. Give me three bottles of RedHeart Rum and I will interpret my own damn dreams and nightmares. 

*Side Note* now that I'm done bitching and moaning, watch out for those much anticipated tips on 'how to get laid' coming soon

Colin out...

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