Moving start to 2017

On The Move Again 

Man I thought 2016 started rough but boy does 2017 come with a unique set of challenges! All sideline projects and mini goals need to be set aside for the main goal which is: Secure a place to call home for myself and Mini-me. Sounds easier said than done but ask any immigrant in Stockholm, it's not that easy. Coming from Africa we do not have the financial infrastructure, support and old money that the locals possess. Matter of fact, majority of us still need to send a percentage back home because that is just how redistribution of the wealth works. But, I digress, let me not bore you with the details of The Black Curse and the unfair playing ground. 

After being told to get up from my knees as that is not the way to secure a home loan(get your mind outta the gutter, I was begging not blowing), I left my bank slightly depressed. Yet still had a little joy in knowing that when I do return with the deposit years from now, they probably wouldn't remember me. Don't get me wrong, I do not want a Nkandla style estate like my boy Jacob. I just require something small, safe and cozy for myself and Mini-me. 

Speaking of Jacob, option 2 of joining the dark forces would sound enticing but I don't think Mini-me would like visiting her dad behind bars. So we return to the drawing board for an amicable solution. The separation laws/rights for common law partners in Sweden is tricky yet straightforward. Everything is based around Mini-me requiring a stable home. With that said, SnowFlake and I are trying to go about this break up in the most civil and courteous manner. This in itself is obviously challenging for a brother from the Cape Flats but, so far so good. 

Barry IN

 

2016 What a Year!

Roller coaster 2016 

My oh my, what a year this has been! It kicked off with my very own mini-me gracing us with her presence. I have been meaning to introduce Her Excellency Mini-me for nearly 10 months now. The sheer delay in posting anything should give you a sense of how jam packed parenthood is. Mini-me is definitely the highlight of my year and life so I will save you the cliques that all new parents post. 

Among the other notable highlights was landing my dream gig, the homies finally coming over to the EU, not wearing Crocs, ending my 2nd year in Criminology with distinction, whipping LaFaille in FIFA, meeting my little nephew and fulfilling my childhood dream of going to Old Trafford! 

But hey, it hasn't just been all rosy and lavender scented farts. I also got my ass kicked in a 10km race by a bunch of young thunderkatts who referred to me as 'old man' as they passed me by. Scandalus Mandalus schooled me on the squash court and Kanye had a mental breakdown on stage. However, the most devastating of all came at the scrotum of 2016 with SnowFlake and myself parting ways. "We decided" that it is in everyone's best interest that we choose this path. Harsh? I have no words and neither is this the forum to discuss that. My only goal right now and into 2017 and beyond is to be the best dad and human being I can be for Her Excellency Mini-me. 

From the bleachers, I hear the rumblings and murmurs of 'coming back wearing the 45' but remember, even the G.O.A.T took 2 years. Time heals all wounds... oh and Dettol! Time and Dettol...

"In the end, it will all be well" Mother Dearest

"Stay Strong my brother" LukeyMagz 


Barry IN

Stay tuned for the next episode

I've been contemplating for a while now on whether to migrate this to a new site. A great deal has endured and taken place since my last blog post. The parents were over to visit and experienced some great Swedish traditions such as Sommar rain, Swedish summer, Swedish safety and just the all-round beauty and magnificence that Sweden possess. We were a tad bit nervous upon their arrival and blew a massive sigh of relief when we saw them pass the gates at Arlanda terminal 5. Most of the anxiety was due to whether my ou' G would make it through. He is the kinda pops that will go and tell the pilot to slow the plane down because "you are going to fast young man". Tough as nails my Ou' G and never backs down for anyone. So needless to say, we were happy when they allowed him in the country. Tack Sverige! 

As we toured Sweden with my parents, I also toured with my books. Yip, I am a student now. Pursuing my dream of studying Criminology with a major in Psychology. You can of course see how this confuses my friends as my life advice always revolves around music, sexy time and the occasional nut busting. I admit, my advice and logic is not conventional but with everything going on around us, clearly the classical methodologies are not working. It is time for a radical approach and maybe just maybe I can string together some great theories linked to sexy time, nut busting and world peace. 

Stay tuned for the next episode as we hitting Vienna soon for our annual basketball match up. Those Austrian thunderkatts sure are suckers for punishment and clearly must have amnesia to have forgotten that last ass whippin' we gave them. Alas, we will go to the VIE again and hang out with the homies and ball because apparently ball is life. 

Isaacs IN!

What happens in Vegas follows you forever

We all know that famous saying, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" bad news kids, it doesn't! In this day and age of social media slavery, nothing stays in Vegas and everything will come back to bite you in the ass numerous times. Whether its a bad credit record as a result of bottle poppin' and model droppin' or herpes or even just the realization that you a dumb ass for dropping out of Uni, it will come back to haunt you.

Luckily for me I skipped the herpes part but am a 'victim' of the former. I remember in 2012 I wrote a post stating that you should "party within your financial lane" but clearly never took my own advice. So 3 years on let me rewrite that post with some amendments:

1. Save! Save! Save! 
Yes we heard this before and booooo its boring and redundant I know, but trust me young thunderkatts, save! Even if you put away just 15% of your monthly salary every pay day, you will reap the rewards 5,10,15 years down the line. 

2. Leave the credit cards for the rappers and ballers. 
Let go of that desire for that Black American Express card unless you come up with a catchier phrase than "Im inlove with the CoCo". Cut up that credit card and party within your financial lane. Soon you wont even know that you missing it. 

3. Stay in school. 
If you in University or College and even thinking of "maybe I should take a break" or "I can finish this later", stop right there, slap yourself with a cactus and stay in school! Education is the most powerful tool you will ever need. Apart from that prized possession between your legs, Education is the ONLY other 'organ' that opens doors. 

As I currently embark on a new journey and hustle path due to 'unforeseen' and historical circumstances, I cant help but reflect back on my previous errors and hope that other young thunderkatts do not make the same mistakes. Save money, leave the credit and stay in school my brethren. And remember, whats happens in Vegas, stays on Facebook and YouTube forever and your offspring will want to know why daddy is snorting something out of Uncle Jimmy's butthole. 

Isaacs still looking.....

ps. don't forget to hook a brother up, its harsh out here in the EU. Also for more financial guidance on what NOT to do, feel free to contact me for complimentary tips on how not to make dumb ass decisions. 

Isaacs out for real.... 

Maturity needs space

As I wished my beloved aunt on her birthday today, I cast my mind back on my first birthday as the official AfriSwede precisely last week. Just comparing gifts received back in the day to gifts now is a major contrast. I suppose the older you get, the more space you need. Not to long ago in a galaxy known as the 7100, my birthday gifts used to consist of bottles and bottles and bottles of rum! Not much space was required to store these copious amounts of rum as they were hastily consumed just after being unwrapped. No space or storage was required because consumption was immediate and over real quick. Much like those combustion experiments we had in primary school. Good times and great memories, from what I can remember, with the beloved Lad Fraternity. 

At first I must admit, it felt weird and almost awkward not opening a gift wrapped bottle of rum or Jack but once I got into the swing of it, it was electrifying and incredible. All of a sudden I don't have enough space, bookshelves, and frames for all the gifts and memorabilia that was bestowed upon me. Do not get me wrong, as much as I loved the Lads gifts, I am truly thankful for all my new found presents. 

I don't think I've ever been this excited to get a Man Cave just so that I can show off and exhibit all these gifts. I can also now begin to comprehend why parents get so happy when their kids leave the nest because then they have more space for more stuff. Because you always need more stuff! 

With my gift collection slowly requiring its own closet, I can only begin to wonder when will I ever get that man cave. I've heard these man cave myths and fairy tales but thus far only "Terror Lekota" Jakobsen has acquired one of these esteemed holdings. I can tell you this much, the desire for that prestigious man cave is definitely pushing the hustle for a new job to greater lengths. Unless I want to share my man cave under the bridge with all the other homeless brothers, I need to hustle and GRIND for that illustrious premise. 

Isaacs still looking....

One unified greeting dammit!

Just last week my road dogg and sidekick Scandalus Mandalus hinted at the fact that I was picking up weight and that the gym sessions are starting to show. This took me by surprise because you wont exactly catch me lifting shit, let alone pushing weights in the gym. For a moment it crossed my mind that maybe Scandalus has onset visual impairment. I let it slide because one of the symptoms of visual impairment is randomly handing out PK's for no reason on purpose. Trust me, you do not want to get a PK from Scandalus. I pinned his comment down to the visual impairment and promised myself to find a way of telling him to get his eyes checked without risking a PK. 

Scandalus' proclamation was hardly cold in my mind when yet another individual commented on my physique again. This time, I decided to investigate(insert Julius Malema voice) and examine myself. To my sheer confusion I noticed that my shoulders, arms and torso has gained mass however, the rest of my body is still small. You can only but imagine my bewilderment at this discovery because I am always the first to tease these huge gym dudes with the skinny legs. Taunting and asking them why they skip leg day? Yet I was looking like a 'mini me' version of them.

After much deliberation, I pinned my upper body growth to my recent trip home and greeting my fellow African brothers. As strange as this sounds, let me explain... 
You have to be in physical shape when you greet my African brethren every day. Not only is the hand shake complex but the arm strength needed when you pulled in for the double back pat is immense. Compare that to the katts over here in the EU that just indulges you with a simple hand shake. Throw in my Scandinavian homies who strictly 'kram' (that's Swedish for hugs) and to confuse me more, add our 'kiss greet' Cape Town flavor and you get one confused AfriSwede over here. 

On numerous occasions I find myself trying to 'kiss greet' Swedish folk because I just came from hanging out with my Cape Town peoples. Needless to say the expression on their face is one of shock and horror. More so is the look of confusion and revulsion when I try and greet my African brethren with a simple hand shake. I get confused okay! and its very hard to keep up. Cant we just get one unified greeting already....

Maybe something with our legs. That way I get to work out my legs and wont end up looking like the dude in the picture!

Isaacs IN

AfriSwede IN!

Just Wing It!

I saw this post once on Broseph Idas Instagram account that made me burst out with laughter. Now it wasn't exactly the funniest thing since George Bush got thrown with two slippers but it made me laugh nonetheless. It was just plain black text on white that read "The older you get, the more you realize no one has a fucking clue what they're doing. Everyone is just winging it." After the laughter subdued I couldn't help think about our parents that raised us without the technological advancements of today. Surely if we are currently 'winging it' then they should have Colonel or General status by now whilst us mere mortals only roam about with 2nd Lieutenant status. 

As I am slowly but surely starting to move off the calender in terms of birthdays, I cant help but commend our folks for raising us without Internet, baby books, health warnings, cellphones and Netflix. Massive round of applause to the old folk out there for keeping us off the streets and entertained with library cards, sticks, yo-yo's and a deck of cards. 

As brilliant as the Internet is, it is also the main and biggest reproductive system of nimrods. Thanks to the Internet, every Tom, Dick and Harry is now a 'know it all' and because Wikipedia said so, it has to be right. This causes a mass influx in nimrosia because not only are we all winging it and flying through stormy weathers, we have to weather the storm with some first officer who Wikipedia'd his way through flying school. 

Surely there were nimrods in our old folks heyday so how did they handle them? How did they protect themselves from nimrosia? There definitely was no Internet so that was one good thing for them. Do not get me wrong, I love the inter webs especially when there is zero chill on certain aspects. I just cant fathom the nimrosia. 

Isaacs still looking...