Know Your Party

As many of my fellow Mzansi countrymen/women journeyed to the polls today to cast their vote, I cant help but think just how many don't actually know what they voting for. I was astonished and a bit flabbergasted after taking a "Know Your Party" survey on the News24 web site to find out that my views was a damn not aligned with that of my supporting party. Do not get me wrong, it wasn't exactly life changing or altering my perception of life as the Sunday walk of shame and Swedish summer does. But it did get me thinking about my peoples back home. How many of us actually read our supporting parties manifesto? Do you know the oppositions manifesto? I mean lets be honest, it doesn't make a difference anyway, the ANC will continue to rule for the next 15-20 years. The ANC should not win this election, but they will.

I hope the survey stays on the News24 website well after the elections so that we can actually go back and reflect. Anyway, I am done with my rant now. I also promise never to bring up religion nor politics as this is not that kinda blog.

Stay tuned for more exciting news. Brazil is only 27 days away, I've got the alcohol(and essentially Colin) under control and I'm planning on taking the stage soon...

Isaacs...

Nothing Was The Same

Recently I went back to the motherland to attend the wedding of my homie StreetKat. This trip, albeit expensive and costly, could not have come at a better time. When you wake up every morning and tell yourself "I swear to God if this marfarker fuck with me today, it's on!", then you know things are bad and you need a break. What better place to relax and unwind than the Motherland! It was time for yet another trip to the Mother City, my beloved CPT. Unfortunately the lovely SnowFlake couldn't make it due to work commitments but she made the trip viable in every possible way. 

Needless to say I was excited like a blind man in a titty bar once I boarded the flight because I knew I would get out of the EU for a while and regain my sanity in Mzansi with my family and friends. Just thinking of the laughter, dancing, story telling, late nights, eating, drinking, singing, sharing and fun that was awaiting me had me glowing like a rave stick at a MDMA festival. 

Straight off the flight I was embraced by my family and whisked away to homemade Sunday lunch like only Moms can do. After freshening up and sharing some stories, laughter and jokes with the fam, I tried to get in contact with the Lads.... Nothing! I didn't pay it no mind because they probably were still hungover from StreetKat's STAG weekend. Eventually I got hold of RPC and we checked up on StreetKat and spent the night catching up on what went down since I've been gone. It was a slight concern as I only saw RPC, StreetKat and Paulie for the entire week and was starting to wonder where the hell the rest of the guys were. Did someone contract a disease? Is Ebola back? What the fuck was going on? 

Sure enough Meister hooked up during the week and made several appearances. He is always pretty much a sure thing and always rocks up like Mayweather on fight night. With the wedding day a few hours away it dawned upon me, nothing was the same anymore. Everybody has kids now. Girlfriends and gym schedules dictate what and where things need to be done. Somehow all my friends had their balls surgically removed simultaneously and placed on a glass display for all others too see. Below the glass display reads a sign that says "Take heed, your days are numbered". This realization shot immediate dejection through my soul and struck deep like a young man getting his anal cherry popped in Pollsmoor prison. 

Finally it was the big day! With StreetKat being the first to take this leap into the unknown, everyone was nervous. I was shaking like a crack junkie in his third rehab week and it wasn't even my day. So I can only but imagine how daunting this must have been for StreetKat and his beautiful bride. Thanks to Black Baby Jesus, everything went smoothly and the day was amazing, emotional, beautiful and perfect. With all the formalities and speeches done, I finally saw my mates for the first time since arriving and we hit the dance floor and bar area harder than Pete Rose in his prime! We laughed, danced, told stories, ate, drank and sang until late in the night. It was like nothing changed and with a blink of an eye we just picked up where we left off. Yes, things has changed but one thing is for sure, when we get together, there will be laughter, dancing, story telling, late nights, eating, drinking, singing, sharing and kak praat. Have you ever danced so much that you had calluses so bad causing you to wear flip-flops for a week? I'm just saying...

Isaacs IN

Ultimate Man Tips I just couldn't resist posting

Man its been a minute, and when I say a minute I mean a loooooong while. 8 months, phew, a lot has transpired since then I must admit. So much to share but first I have to share these man tips my boy Elmer sent me. 

44 Ultimate Tips For Men 

1. Go for women you perceive to be "out of your league." You'll surprise yourself.  

2. Never have sex with anyone that doesn't want it as much as you. 

3. Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat. 

4. Every hat should serve a purpose. 

5. Never take her to the movies on the first date. 

6. Learn to wet shave. 

7. Nothing looks more bad ass than a well-tailored suit. 

8. Shave with the grain on the first go-around.

9. Always look a person in the eye when talking to them. 

10. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger. 

11. Exercise makes you happy. Run, lift and play sport. 

12. Brush your teeth before you put on your tie. 

13. A small amount of your salary/wages should go to your savings account every month. 

14. Call your parents every week. Texting shouldn't become a custom. 

15. Never wear a clip-on tie. 

16. Give a firm handshake. 

17. Compliment her shoes. 

18. Never leave a pint unfinished. 

19. If you aren't confident, fake it. It will come. 

20. Be conscious of your body language. 

21. The only reason to ever point a gun at someone is if you intend to shoot them. 

22. Always stand to shake someone's hand. 

23. Never lend anything you cant afford to lose. 

24. Ask more than you answer. Everybody likes to talk about themselves. 

25. Keep a change of clothes at the office. 

26. Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them once. 

27. Manliness is not being able to take care of yourself, but taking care of others as well.

28. Go for the decision that will make for a good story. 

29. When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet. 

30. Nice guys don't finish last. Boring guys do. 

31. Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it.  

32. Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head. 

33. No matter their job or status in life, everyone deserves your respect. 

34. The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen, its your duty to overcome them. 

35. The first one to get angry loses. 

36. Do what needs to be done without complaining. Complaining wont help speed things up. 

37. Never stop learning. 

38. Always go out in public dressed like you about to meet the love of your life. 

39. Luck favors the prepared. 

40. Don't change yourself to make someone happy, unless that someone is you. 

41. If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. 

42. Women find confidence sexy as hell. 

43. Do whatever you want to do in life, but be the best at it. 

44. No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work. Enjoy your life! 

The sober side of life

For those that still don't know, Yes, I decided to quit drinking and go to rehab. This was obviously a decision I did not take lightly and gave it a lot of thought. Im pleased to say though that "so far, so good" and all is going well. So how is rehab you ask? Well, I can say that we watch too much American movies because rehab is NOTHING like the crap we see on our tv screens. Or at least Swedish rehab isn't. I was expecting the famous '12 step program' to be unleashed but Swedes don't do God and Jesus and all that religious stuff so they just skip most of that and have their own program. It's actually very professional and intimate in the sense that you have an entire team dedicated to one individual. This somewhat shocked me as I was expecting the whole group session where one retired pastor leads the group and we all have to stand up and introduce ourselves. I guess things work different in Sweden because over here its actually the alcoholic that has a team of doctors, psychologists and Rehabvägledare and they the ones standing up and introducing themselves.   

I cant exactly pin point what it was that led me to this place but it just feels right. I cant continue living in the cusp of death thinking that it wont be me. Personally I feel like I've bottle popped, model dropped and turnt up enough to call it quits now already. 

One thing I am going to comment on is that sober life is just as expensive as bottle poppin' and drinking. The drinking Gods must be punishing me for letting them down because all of a sudden I now need a root canal, a dental implant and a dental bridge. And if that is not enough additional expenses, I now have the appetite of a sumo wrestler and cravings of a pregnant lady. All of a sudden drinking sounds like a good idea but the thought of looking like a toothless hobo in my 30's is less appealing. So I'll stick to being sober for now thank you.  

Another aspect I picked up on is that its the ones closest to you that doubt and don't believe change is possible. They actually rooting for your failure. I guess thats why they called close friends. Luckily I am at peace with myself and I rather use their negativity as a steam to power my sobriety.  

Isaacs IN....

Being 30

Almost every year without fail, I would celebrate my 25th birthday. Not only was this a debaucherous occasion but also the hassle of getting yet another fake ID was borderline psychotic. Last year however, I celebrated #BirthdayCelebrationMonth and did something different. I spent an entire month being wasted, waking up in strange places, foreign countries and kitchen floors. Many folk wondered why I would spend my 25th birthday like this but I did it that way for it was my final years of my 20's. 

What does it mean to be 30? Is it being in a serious relationship where compromise, respect and support is just as important as sexy time and beauty? Is it normal at this age to cough a few times while a random medical stranger is cupping your nutsack? Is this a normal age to then have another stranger with a medical title insert a long snake like protrusion in your back door in search of God knows what! Was it a fact finding mission? Are you then still an anal virgin or does that now make you gay? 
I surely do not know what it means to be 30 and I dont have the foggiest clue what to expect. All I wanted to do was celebrate my 30th in style and do something different. That pray was answered in the form of my beloved SnowFlake who took it upon herself to make sure that it was magical and memorable. She invited a few of my mates to come and celebrate my 30th on her island out in the Swedish Archipelago. For the purpose of secrecy, we shall refer to said location as 'SnowFlakes Island' from here forth. 

We arrived at SnowFlakes Island after sunset on the Wednesday and just cruising through the archipelago during summer surely does something to you. You immediately get a surreal feeling of bliss and tranquility. That also quickly changed to fear because I realized that should SnowFlake decide to go all Hostel on me, this would be the perfect setting. Nobody would ever find my body out here in the middle of nowhere. That wasn't the case unless Im SpongeBob square pants writing this post from under the sea! Amongst many different aspects of the weekend, one of the highlights was waking up to a hoisted South African flag on the island the morning of my birthday. Many of the other stories also cannot be divulged due to privacy rules however, I can honestly say that it was indeed magical, memorable and different. 

I have no idea what to expect in this era of 30's. Apparently hangovers now last 2 days and every weekend is a baby shower or wedding. What I do know and what I am sure about is that change is imminent. Whether it be change in the form child birth or change in the form of marriage. Change is imminent my friend. For me, that change is in the form of rehab.... 

Colin out... 
Isaacs IN!

Valborg. If you don't know, now you know!

Imagine the Jozi or Great CPT business district. Now imagine that specific CBD without buildings, in fact replace it with architecture from the early 1800's surrounded by greenery, parks, water features and beauty. Fill that with sweet black baby Jesus' most beautiful and amazing creatures all in one place. Happy, singing, laughing, sharing, caring and not a concern nor negative complaint that one would usually associate with Swedish winter folk. The streets are filled and lined with vicarious, happy, radiant and relieved people. You get a sense of relieve yet solace and reparation as you walk around in the city. 

People have literally awoken from hibernation and if there is any capital of this statement, then Uppsala it is! This city exudes what we envision bears do every winter. Why do we go to the zoo to await the awakening of a bear? Rather go to Uppsala during Valborg to witness the awakening of mankind and the human race. Its a beautiful thing I tell you. SnowFlake and all other folk tried to warn me weeks before that it is something that you cannot prepare for yet I did not heed the call and shrugged off the warnings. Needless to say I was in a critical condition the days following the debauchery that is Valborg.

It started off very quietly with a "champagne breakfast" at some blokes house and I remember thinking to myself "Self, how hardcore are these people if they have champagne. Ppppffft this should be a piece of cake". That was my last sober memory I can tell you that much. Upon arrival at this blokes spot, we entered his vacant apartment where the only furniture was a DJ booth, Jägermeister shot tubes, tons of booze and champagne. I have a vivid recollection of breakfast being present yet I cannot confirm this thought. Luckily I have a video to refresh my memory that was taken at 08h15. Note the time stamp as this might explain why I was inebriated at 11h00 that day.  

I cant remember much after this breakfast party but I do recall walking through a park filled with Sweden's finest and bumping into "Timmy" and "TheAngus". We parked off and helped our self to some of their bbq and booze only to lose them whilst strolling through the streets. I really cant recall much of the days events other than it was amazing and don't wear expensive clothing as you will be soaked by champagne showers. Trust me, should you ever find yourself in Sweden at the end of April, head to Uppsala to experience Valborg. You will never be the same again. 

Colin out....

Its time to return....

Its been way too long...

Wow, its really been a minute since I've been on the scene. Lots has happened since my last post and when I say lots I mean re-invention of the wheel guys and girls. Myself and 'ScienceGirl' took a much needed winter break and escaped to The Mother City. Trust me, nothing elevates a relationship like a trip to The Great CPT and showing off one of Africa's jewels. She immediately fell in love with my hometown and I no longer need to ask her "do you like my city" because that question is answered by the gigantic smile on her face. From here onward 'ScienceGirl' is now known as 'SnowFlake' as she kinda has that Prince thing going on where she just randomly recreates, re-invents and switches things up. Including her name. Yeah, she is that bad ass! 

The disturbing aspect of coming back from vacation is that you get slapped with a sledge hammer called reality. My reality punch surprised the living day lights out of me. From my lala land vacation I came back to even more racism. Violence towards women in my beloved South Africa is staggering and astonishingly nothing is being done to curb and stop it. Oscar Pistorious didn't help either by shooting his girlfriend. Gruesome gang rapes is a daily occurrence and is actually trending like a damn hash tag on Twitter or Instagram. To add further insult to injury, I came to find out that Sweden has the *second highest rape stats in the world and highest in Europe. 

Surely I am not the only person appalled by these vile, disgusting and inhumane acts. I know I am not alone because I see all the posts, protests and petitions on social media. Does this do anything? Does this change anything? Is everything that simple that we merely change the world with a click of a button or a like or comment or retweet? I didn't think so! What is required is action! Where are the lawmakers? Where are the politicians? We don't need protests and likes and petitions. We need laws to be amended so that this vile disease can be ended. A strong message and stern warning should be sent and examples made that reverberates through generations. 

Colin Out..... 

*Sweden has the highest incidence of reported rapes in Europe and one of the highest in the world. The data is per capita of reported cases only.