Meet The Parents

There are a few things more scarier and terrifying to a ThunderKatt. Bear in mind that it takes a lot to make a true ThunderKatt nervous. Jail and the police? nah. Unemployment and being broke? hell, we wrote the manual on how to survive that. However, meeting the parents, that's right up there alongside prostate and rectal examination. Damn, I'm even sweating just typing this...

Last week I had the fun and stressful ordeal of meeting the 'ScienceGirl' clan. Yip! brother, sister and parents so you can only imagine the nerves of steel I required. From the feedback and response I was given, I apparently did a sterling job and was well impressive. This comes to me as a massive shock because I think I had a horrendous meet and at times literally just wanted to crawl into Mother Earth and die. With all of that said and done, I decided to help you fellow up and coming ThunderKatts with some helpful tips and guides on what NOT to do.

DO NOT BE LATE 

For the love of God and Black Baby Jesus, never ever be late! Rather be standing there waiting with flowers 1 hour before the agreed time but don't be late. My dumb ass got lost and couldn't find the Opera house(yes, we went to the Opera with her family). Needless to say I was then sweating like a Kenyan Olympic athlete who just completed the 3000m final due to all the running around. Do not be late.

SUIT UP

You can never, ever, ever go wrong with a lovely tailored suit. My dumb ass thought I would go retro/vintage with mustard chino's, a fitted shirt and knitwear. That might sound okay but bear in mind we went to the Opera and it was raining. Rain and mustard chino's don't go well together.

LEARN THE LANGUAGE

By now you obviously know that 'ScienceGirl' is Swedish so obviously her mother tongue is Svenska. With my smart ass not being able to speak Swedish, this automatically places me on the back foot. Don't let this happen to you too. Learn the language fool, its not that hard.(I've since been attending Swedish classes on the regular). Yip, 'ScienceGirl' sooo hot make a brother wanna learn Swedish.

FIND A COMMON DENOMINATOR 

As we were at an Opera performance, I needed to dig deep into the memory bank and recall conversations and interactions with my boy Luthando Qave. This did benefit me a bit as I could at least have a meaningful conversation with Mrs 'ScienceMom'. Score!

All in all, above all my mistakes and mishaps, I apparently did well according to 'ScienceGirl' so I am happy. With another jam packed weekend on the horizon, I still need to fill you in on LaFaille and CrayZee's parties. So stay tuned, updates to follow.

Colin Out...

Do ThunderKatts retire or just retreat?

This question has been hovering around in my subconscious for quite some time now. And seeing that 'winter is coming' I cant help but ponder on it some more. Obviously the answer is pretty simple if you a Party Kat in Sweden, then yes, you hibernate. If you in a relationship, then obviously you are forced to say yes too(just make sure your Mrs isn't standing behind you before you dare answer no and acting all manly). But what if you a real ThunderKatt? I'm not talking about these young bloods running around acting a fool and just being ignorant. I'm talking about old school ThuderKatt. At this point if you asking what is the criteria for ThunderKatt? Please stop reading and a) continue playing World of Warcraft while your insanely HOT Mrs is getting ready for a night out with the ladies. b) try stealing your testicles from your partner/spouse's handbag. I'm sure its rolling around next to the vanity mirror and lipstick.

ThunderKatts back in the day

What do we do? I'm asking because I also don't know. You see in 2011 my motto was "Because I Can" and that led to many a great night and some insane memories but also total destruction and ruin at times. Before that, in 2010, I think we all adapted the "feel it, it is here" motto and that too had its ups and downs. For the latter part of 2012 I have dropped "YOLO" and gone for "Moments" which has been working wonders thus far. More than wonders I should add but that's for another day.  

new motto???

With me not going to The Great CPT for my annual summer break with The Lad Fraternity in December, I'm really asking all the brothers out there, what do you do over here in Europe in winter? I've seen so many fellas going into hibernation and becoming depressed during this period. I sincerely do not wish for that to happen. What do the real ThunderKatts do? With all that being said, I'm off to a Knife Party concert with 'ScienceGirl' because retirement is not an option. 

Colin out....

Vienna Nights....

Myself and KingKenny set off on a reconnaissance mission to Vienna, Austria last week on a 7 day expedition. As we have been to this city before with ElectroSeb, we had high expectations. Upon arrival the Sunday afternoon, I rung up KingKenny who had already checked in to our hotel as he flew in fresh from Barcelona. He informed me that we staying in a pimped out boutique hotel and boy was he right! I've never received better service at any hotel thus far. Much respect and big ups to Steigenberger Hotel Herrenhof.
We started walking around in the city and whilst amazed and stunned by the cities beauty and architecture, I was saddened by the night life. You see for a young thunderkatt from Cape Town, Sunday Sundowner sessions is a must and vital for any city. I frantically called all my Viennese people but to no avail. When I managed to get a muster of response, they all merely mumbled that they are recovering and hungover as hell. "This is going to be a long week" I told KingKenny as we headed back to the hotel to ransack the mini bar.

Monday started off gently as "Roos Dookin" and his crew took us to Fridays for dinner and drinks. He explained why nobody responded on Sunday but to me that still didn't make sense. As his explanation was ringing around in my head, I experienced something that doesn't happen in Sweden. The waiter just came and dropped a few round of drinks and said "this is on the house guys". Needless to say this led to more of those and we ended off the night at some Irish pub. Clearly hanging with "Roos Dookin" and his crew had its perks. Still being tired and not wanting to overexert ourselves, we jumped to the opportunity of dinner at Gabreezi and his Mrs place on Tuesday. He definitely upgraded as he has a stylish and retro new apartment in a great district.

Wednesday was the day/night I was actually looking forward to the most. "Roos Dookin" had hyped up this club so much, I was like a kid on Christmas eve. We started out first with dinner and drinks at CoachAwesome's favorite restaurant. Coincidentally it was filled with Arsenal fans so I kept my opinion to myself as I was clearly outnumbered here. Myself and KingKenny went back to the hotel to get ready for the club but he had to retire as the battle with flu had taken its toll on him. I set out and met "Roos Dookin" and his sidekick as we walked to what look like a hot dog stand. I knew it wasn't a hot dog stand because why would all these beautiful people queue all dressed up for hot dogs.

It turns out this club, Passage, used to be a pedestrian underpass that was empty for many years before being turned into one of the hottest bar and night clubs in the world(Yeah I said it)... The lighting and decor is trendy and very posh. The sound is amazing and the bar staff mixes a mean cocktail. We went straight into the V.I.P section with "Roos Dookin" and his sidekick. I could immediately tell that he goes there a lot. This was clearly evident as one barman offered us some kick ass drinks on sheer sight. Roos asked if I had ever encountered 'ratchet' women to which I obviously replied 'No'. He laughed and saw this as a clear opportunity to demonstrate this to me by ordering bottles of vodka and red bulls. Immediately we were swarmed and surrounded by females who started grinding vigorously like their life depended on it. Roos just laughed and shouted 'Now that is ratchet'. I left the V.I.P area to explore the rest of the club and not be treated like some drinks provider. Hell, I work damn hard for my money and I already have 'ScienceGirl' so no thanks 'girl that is grinding for drinks'. Colin don't roll like that.

I was pleasantly surprised that 'ratchet' and pretentious douche was only 20% of the Passage crowd. With that thought in mind, I lost myself in the music and hit the dance floor. I must of been dancing for quite some time because when I got back to our area, "Roos Dookin" had gotten more drinks. I am not entirely sure how we got home but the next morning "Roos Dookin" woke up in our hotel.
By Thursday, all I wanted was just to come back to Stockholm and relax with 'ScienceGirl' but that dream was quickly crushed. You see in Vienna, Thursday is called Thirstday and myself and KingKenny were invited to BarItalia for mojito's and caipirinha's with AustrianChick and her entourage. The night started out mellow and very relaxed. However, it ended with myself and KingKenny finding our way to the dance floor and me being put in a cab back to the hotel as I was unable to speak German.

By Friday I was once again thankful that AustrianChick invited us to dinner and drinks at her place as I surely needed a relaxing evening. She clearly is in the wrong industry as she whipped up a superb 3 course dinner from scratch and sent me on a mission to get some sturm, an Austrian wine to complement the dinner. I was quickly kidnapped by KingKenny and "Roos Dookin" and they lured me; very easily I may add; to a local basketball game with beer. We returned to AustrianChick's apartment just in time for dinner as all her guests had arrived and she quickly forgave my incompetence with shots of austrian schnapps. We left dinner just after midnight to hook up with "Roos Dookin" and his crew at Fragezeichen(which means Question mark in English). I once again realized that this was his mates club as our seating area was reserved and quickly filled with vodka and red bulls.

What happen after the 3rd bottle of vodka I cannot for the life of me remember but I know I had a self induced heart attack and brain aneurysm the next day when checking my bank statement. Apparently, and this is according to "Roos Dookin" and receipts found in my wallet, we went to some place called Volksgarten where I too wanted to pop bottles and live the Roos Dookin lifestyle. Listen and learn from me people, stay in your financial lane! The Roos Dookin lifestyle is not for everybody! I am part of that everybody!

After a quick brunch on Saturday morning, I was suppose to meet up with 'CameraChick' to attend a video shoot. 'CameraChick' is a young and talented photographer with a lot of insight in the Vienna culture and scenes. Needless to say I was confused when I arose from the hangover of hell to find out I missed our appointment. In true Colin fashion I just shrugged my shoulders and figured "ah well, next time" and continued drinking.

If only I could remember the rest of Saturday, I would honestly tell you about it. However, for the life of me, I really cant. On Sunday morning myself and KingKenny set off to the airport. The city was dead and derelict. Not a single person in sight and it was already 9 in the morning. I was baffled and stunned but soon realized why exactly a week before, I was in the same situation unaware of why Vienna sleeps on a Sunday.

The extent of my party ways only dawned on me when I ordered sushi with 'ScienceGirl' back in Stockholm. My card was declined but once again, in true Colin fashion, I always have a back up card LOL. I ended off a perfect week with sushi, perfect football and a perfect woman. Life is good.

Colin Out...

Alcohol is not for everyone...

As my great friend Reesie would say, "drank is nie iets wat jy op jou edgars kaart moet koop nie" She basically implies that alcohol is not something everyone should have access too. This is a well known phenomenon yet not something most people abide too. We tend to over indulge and drink ourselves to a paraplegic stooper. Why do we do this you ask? Well I can't speak for the rest of society but I partake in this habit because I am a) unselfish b) contributing to economic growth and job creation. You see my fellow thunderkatts, when I crack that beer or pop that bottle, I don't think about my liver or kidneys. Oh no, I think about all those employees in the liquor industry that depends on me to secure their job and future. They need me to put their kids through school, pay their bond, cover bills and put food on that newly bought IKEA dinner table. So I unselfishly sacrifice my liver and kidneys to ensure the well being of others unknown to me.  

ScienceGirl made sure Botham finishes his shots

With that said, it was 'Botham' last weekend in Stockholm. Being the prolific and flamboyant individual that he is, he was scooped up for a permanent move to the London office. This obviously meant The Crew needed one last debauchery filled evening. In true 'Botham' fashion, he suggested we head to the new Scandic Grand Central for drinks and 'whatever happens' next. I arrived there shortly after 17h00 with the entire Crew already getting their sippy sippy on. The place was packed with beautiful people of all genres, age and ethnicity. It was a perfect set up. The order of the day was obviously to get 'Botham' as motherless drunk as possible. By 20h00 we had run through copious amounts of gin, vodka, beer, rum and the drinks just kept coming. By 21h00 I was steaming and started to get worried because 'ScienceGirl' was on her way and I was beyond hammered already. I contemplated buying some water but LukeyFiasco and Just-ICE smacked sense in to me and I realized that is against The Crew code.  

When 'ScienceGirl' arrived, I was Colin-Drunk and my inner voice had to be the responsible person. I focused and concentrated so hard on being sober and getting other people on my level of inebriation that I completely missed the fact that she was also well on a level of intoxication. The night just got better and better and even 'BigSexy' 'LeGrange' and 'Scandalous' rocked up. At this point you really don't want to know how many vodka+pineapple and gin+ginger ale we had gone through already. 'LaFaille' kept them coming, 'Just-ICE' racked up shots of sambuca and tequila and 'Take-It-To-The-Base' made sure the beers were flowing like an endless stream. We all were royally fucked yet everyone kept their pose and this was our greatest demise. 

Eventually after 03h00 somebody came up with a brilliant idea of heading to another club. I then used this to conjure up an escape plan for 'Botham' who was not only motherless drunk but couldn't even spell his own name, let alone think straight. 'ScienceGirl' hinted that we hit the club too but she would be fine to go home as well. I made an executive decision and chose the latter. With The Crew still debating on which club to overthrow, I snuck 'Botham' and his lady companion away into a cab. Myself and 'ScienceGirl' then took abuse from The Crew for allowing 'Botham' to get away.

With their focus on clubbing, we decided to pull a Houdini ourselves and slipped into a cab. The moment we hit the seats, 'ScienceGirl' was out like a candle. I'm still not sure who was more inebriated but I think I won as I was at least able to speak. She could hardly mumble her address to the cab driver which had me in tears of laughter much to her frustration. I now know what it must be like when people have to look after me when I get Colin-Drunk. Thank you 'Sciencegirl' as that was a world first for me. As I am typing this on board a flight to Vienna, I still haven't heard from half of The Crew. 'Botham' is alive though, that much I know and can confirm. 

Colin out....

Star Struck? Nah!

As a young lad that is crazy about football, when Super Sunday approaches, I usually have two mildly raucous evenings just before the big day. This way, I can enjoy Super Sunday in the best possible position and condition; wasted, hungover and paralytic. For those lost souls that have a question mark on their face about Super Sunday, please hand in your man card and give your other testicle to your partner/wife/spouse as well.  

The Drinking and Super Sunday Gods must have decided to bless their favorite son as my weekend could not have started any better. I was offered box tickets by 'ScienceGirl' to a local football match between Djurgården and BK Häcken. In my mind, this was perfect. I've been to numerous rugby matches in the private suites courtesy of 'WhiteRhino' and 'StreetKat' back in Cape Town. So I was gearing up for a night filled with debauchery, beer, liquor and of course football. However, to my somewhat expected surprise, this was not the case. Remember, we are in Sweden people! 

The food was excellent and divine, there was no strong liquor and the beer was watered down to a non-efficacious 3,5%. I didn't care because I got to spend more time with 'ScienceGirl' who happens to like football as well. I kinda felt like the title to Wiz Khalifa's new album, O.N.I.F.C because I quickly noticed that I was the only brother of pigment up in there. Still, I couldn't be bothered. Then out of my peripheral vision I saw a familiar face. I kept thinking to myself "hold on a minute, I know this dude" and then it struck me. This was Patrick Vieira! According to 'ScienceGirl'(and I cant confirm this), I went so pale that I actually blended in with my fellow Caucasian brothers. She obviously found this amusing and said it reminded her of the time she met Dennis Rodman. I finally built up the courage to go over to him after numerous watered down beers and was pleasantly surprised. He is actually a cool and calm dude and nothing like the aggressive Vieira vs Keane battles we used to see. 

Saturday proved a different kettle of fish as it was 'Botham' farewell party. I really cant tell you much of this night as there were copious amounts of booze, the police was involved and the entire Crew was there. I'm still waiting for pictures or videos to surface as these things usually triggers my memory. All I know is that on Sunday I woke up wasted, not knowing where I was or how I got there but I was in time for Super Sunday.

Colin out....

Recession! What Recession?

I literally have to write this post from the hospital as I injured my back earlier today. How exactly did that happen you ask? No, it was not related to any sexual game or kinky role play! I simply fell of my chair whilst assessing my finances! Yes, it would appear that my somewhat frivolous partying lifestyle has caught up with me! To ensure that this does not happen to my fellow ThunderKatts and Mzanzi brethren, I have outlined a few pointers and tips to guide and help you in avoiding this situation:  

1. Listen to the specialists.   

For the last 5 years I was being ignorant and hard headed when people said "there is a recession" I was jokingly dancing and shouting "what recession" as I continued to bottle pop, model drop and strip club hop. Which brings me to my next point.... 

2. Leave the bottles for the rap artists.

Buying rounds of drinks is okay but 12 bottles for 10 people is just silly. Trust me, those girls you going home with wont remember you anyway.  

3. Drink responsibly. 

I finally found out that responsibly is not a drink nor a person. For years I wondered what my beloved mother was on about when she said 'drink responsibly' but at least now I know. 

4. Get a girlfriend.

Yeah I said it. Single life is damn expensive people! Bottle poppin' model droppin' strip-club hoppin' till 7am on a weekday then doing it all over again the next day is no joke! That shit is expensive and doing it 4/5 days in a row is hideous and serves no purpose. For who? For what? Yeah sure you will have to do couple stuff but trust me, that is far far cheaper than the alternative lifestyle. Which leads me to the last point....

5. Party in your financial lane.

This is much easier when you have a girlfriend. I have been observing my mates, and the ones with ladies avoids partying with me. The other single ones goes just as H.A.M as I do. When you have a lady, she will fuck you up if you party with us because she has a hint of how things go down. You therefore stay in your financial lane and rather opt for the safe option of romantic movies, popcorn and snuggle struggle.  

If any of these tips still doesn't appeal to you, then to hell with it. I cant repay you for the time that you spent reading this. However, next time you see me in the club, slide over and say "lets pop bottles" and we'll call it even. You might just end up so shit faced that you don't remember your own name but hey, these things happen! 

Colin out......

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause....

So with majority of The Crew either in Riga or London this weekend, I was gearing up for a relaxed weekend. Not really sure what to expect and where I would end up, I was still very optimistic as these are usually the best weekends. Myself, VinnyChase, KingKenny, Huber and Just-ICE hit some local bar in the city centre after work. As we entered said bar, I was pretty sure we had the address wrong and this was actually a morgue or a church. I was even more confused because firstly people hardly die in this city nor do they believe in God so why would there be a church or morgue in the city centre. The decor was very chic and retro and all 3 floors are spacious over looking the water and European style buildings. I know you thinking "damn that sounds great" and it probably is. The problem was, we were the only katts there! The barman walks out from the back probably woken up by our noise and scuffling and he literally looks like he has one foot in the grave. This has to be the oldest barman in history as I'm sure I saw him in some John Wayne movie and he was already old back then. We decided to stay here and get shit faced anyway, whats the worst that can happen right?

I am still not sure whether we were drinking stronger beer or was it the "time-space continuum" that always affects men when they in pubs/bars/clubs. For those katts that's not sure what the "time-space continuum" is, lemme break it down for you. Basically this is a mathematical model that combines space and time into a single construct. This spacetime is usually explained with a model where space is three-dimensional and time has the role of a fourth dimension. Long story short; You are in the pub drinking and getting hammered and according to you, time is standing still. When in reality and on the outside of that specific pub/bar/club, the world is actually progressing at a rapid pace. This usually explains why men are always in trouble with their ladies because when we enter the "time-space continuum" our watches and mobiles literally freezes and time stands still.

This was surely the case because by the time Just-ICE went to get our round of umpteenth drinks. We were surrounded by people and it appeared that it was somehow strangely dark outside. The old barman was now replaced by young, fresh, vibrant and good looking bar ladies. Everyone around us was dressed to impress and looked like they literally walked off the cover of a style magazine. I had no idea what was going! One of the staff members came over to VinnyChase and KingKenny and spoke to them in Swedish. From what I understood, we were being asked to move upstairs to the club section as this bar was now closing. During this same transition period, I received a text message from ScienceGirl inviting me over to her place as she was hosting a 'beer-and-taco' evening. "Be there in 10 minutes with The Crew" was my response.

It surely must of been the longest ten minutes of my life because by the time I got there, it was Saturday morning and once again I woke up not knowing where the hell I was or how I got there. I cant tell you much about the clubbing experience other than it was filled with young good looking students in search of a great time. KingKenny had to fill me in on the gaps when I saw him on Saturday. Needless to say he was still shitfaced and had no intention of joining me and Just-ICE for Huber's birthday party. I kept things reserved on Saturday night but Just-ICE had other ideas and kept feeding me booze. 'Take-It-To-The-Base' had also joined with his two younger brothers and the shots and booze kept on flowing like the Nile river. They uttered the words 'Sommar' and my face lit up but I knew I was shit faced and needed rest. I conjured the courage to plan the ultimate escape move and slipped them on route to Sommar using ScienceGirl as my shield. I still haven't heard from Just-ICE nor 'Take-It-To-The-Base' but I cant really blame them.

Oh and rest of The Crew is back from Riga and London. They had a marvelous time yet no stories can be disclosed due to the Privacy Act of 2010.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Colin out....